Goodbye, pink shorts.
A post about clinging to old things, what it symbolizes, and the freedom in letting go.
“Oh no!” I groaned while pulling my hot pink linen shorts out of the wash.
One end of their drawstring belt had been pulled so far out, that the other end had been pulled in, now stuck inside the waistband.
“So, the day has come…” I sighed.
I’d forgotten to tie the belt closed before tossing the shorts into the machine– something I was always careful to do. Except this night.
Immediately I jumped to, “Whatever, I’ll fix them!”
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d saved a piece of clothing from this fate.
Then I sat down for two whole minutes, working at the wet, lumpy mass, before shoving them into the closet to hang-dry.
“I have higher priorities right now. This will be easier to do when they’re dry.” I reasoned.
That was the loud voice.
There was also a softer voice saying something else, “It’s really not worth it, you know…”
But I didn’t want to listen to that voice yet. Not yet, at least.
—
Well, today was the day I woke up wanting to wear my pink shorts.
Which meant it was time for surgery. So I whipped out my tweezers, put on my most determined face, and got to work.
As I poked, prodded, and pulled, I could feel the elastic inside the waistband, where the belt also lived. The elastic no longer lay flat and smooth and was twisted and folded all throughout– it’d been like that for quite some time. This made the job of feeling for the scrunched up belt impossible.
After five minutes of playing Operation on my shorts, I finally stopped.
Then I raised them to my face, took a closer look, and saw them as they really were: faded in color, fraying at the leg openings, and discolored on the inner thighs.
I knew then, just as I’d known when I first pulled them out of the wash, that they were no longer meant to be. And hadn’t been for awhile.
But still, I’d been wanting to make them work. Because to me, they symbolized so much.
I’d bought them in 2021 when I was first coming home to myself. My real self.
At the time, I was buying bright colors and new cuts I’d have normally steered away from: a bright red crop top, a low cut orange one, high-waisted denim cut-offs, and of course, my hot pink shorts.
They hung in my closet for two whole months before I finally felt ready to wear them. The first time was while doing my first juice fast1, and I felt amazing inside and out.
Over the next year, their softness and joyful hue were a comfort to me throughout my divorce and my first year of living on my own.
I took hundreds of solo walks in those shorts, got hired in those shorts, and I walked out of my apartment for the last time in those shorts– not realizing in that moment that I’d never see it again2.
Yet this morning, while sitting on the bathroom floor staring closely at them, I could feel that it was truly time to let them go.
As I toyed with the waist band and chewed my lip, I could hear my higher self speaking to me: “Don’t you WANT new shorts? Don’t you deserve BETTER than a pair that’s faded and fraying? That you’re having to struggle with to even wear?”
A metaphor for my life. It’s as if I were hearing: “Don’t you WANT a whole new and better life? Don’t you deserve BETTER than faded and fraying stuff and situations? And anything that feels like a struggle?”
Yes. I do.
Finally accepting the fate of my beloved hot pink shorts, I grabbed the end of the drawstring belt and tugged.
I watched the belt fall to the floor and then I said to myself, as I always find myself saying whenever I release something from my past, “Bye, old self.”
—
My shorts were yet another piece of my old life that needed to be released to make space for new and for better.
And this wasn’t the first time. I’d been here before, just a couple months ago, in fact, with my old denim cut-offs. They’d gotten too short and too tight, and I had to feel literally squeezed before I felt ready to let them go and buy a new pair.
I can see that waiting until things are falling apart before letting them go has been a way to stay attached to my old self, to my old life.
A way of choosing some semblance of comfort and familiarity – even the shitty parts – over growth and expansion. As well as staying stuck in my old ways and old thinking patterns that had been engrained in me through PTSD: thoughts of lack, scarcity, and not having enough.
But I really don’t want to live that story anymore. Which means it’s time to write a new one.
So tonight, I’ve been looking around and taking inventory:
“What else can I let go of before I feel squeezed? What’s already fading and fraying? Where else is my old self still hanging around? The one who’s afraid to do, be, and have more? To let go because “what if she can’t replace it?” Where else am I still clinging?”
I can think of a few things, for sure. And I’m sure you’ll be hearing all about them soon.
– Malana
A Woman Uncaged
The juice fast I mentioned was part of Heal Candida Now– an at-home nutrition program I completed that helped me heal candida overgrowth (and the acne I had as a result) caused by things like birth control pills, drug use, the Standard American Diet, and more. It’s a phenomenal program that can reset your whole system and spark a lifetime of change. It helps so much more than candida, too! Feel free to book a call with me if you’d like to learn more about it and how I can guide you through it (or another health concern) as a certified plant-based holistic health coach through Health Mastery Institute.
My physical healing journey was also part of a spiritual healing journey. This journey led to going no contact with my family after facing and working to heal from childhood sexual abuse. On January 8th, 2023, I left the state of Florida after having strong reason to believe that I was in danger. I share a bit about what happened in this article and in this podcast episode I was interview on by my spiritual teacher Liana Shanti– it’s had over 100k listens since we recorded it earlier this year.
This is SO relatable Malana! I feel the same right now. What am I still clinging to? What am I ready to let go of? And do I have the courage to do so? I took a screenshot of your questions to journal about later. Thank you!! 💖
Everything that Megan said!! Relatable and I also screenshot the questions. I’m in that same zone of release to make space for the new. Thank you for this post❤️🙏