I was a self-help superstar wannabe who traded the New Age for Jesus (without culty religion).
My intentions were good: help lots of people and make lots of money. But I didn't even know how to help myself... then everything changed in 2020.
It was the year 2012 when I was formally introduced to the billion-dollar self-help industry and saw women leaders making LOTS of money helping others.
They had large online followings, they'd authored books, and were making a great living – some even striking it rich – all from their living rooms.
And at the park with their kids.
And at 5-star resorts with their husbands.
And while sleeping, of course.
They were making so much impact, they were even getting recognized and endorsed by celebrities.
These women seemed to "have it all," and I realized I wanted to have it all, too!
I mean, why not?
HELPING people? While also making BIG money? Sign me up!
There were also women supporting these leaders who were making a name for themselves, too– the behind-the-scenes managers, writers, and assistants.
That's where I was for a time. Watching. Learning. Supporting. Uplifting.
And everyday thinking "One day, I'm gonna do what SHE’S doing…”
I was a self-help superstar wannabe.
It’s not that I cared about being famous. I didn’t.
It’s not that I cared about having a million followers. I didn’t.
It’s not that I cared about meeting and rubbing elbows with celebrities. I didn’t.
I just wanted to help as many people as I could while earning a great income and living a great life.
And with the models of success I saw before me, it seemed like landing book deals (and getting on the New York Time’s Best Seller’s list, of course), having photoshoots, speaking on stages, getting comfortable being on video all everyday, and being endorsed by household names was the best way to do that.
By 2017, after several years of building a great reputation supporting small businesses, I received what looked like my "big break" and began working with one of the more well-known names in the New Age self-help industry. Someone who had a mission I truly believed in (at the time).
As things started picking up, my ego was all: “I did it! I’m doing it! All that work really was for something! I matter! I’m needed! I’m doing big things! Which will lead to bigger things! Yay!”
My name was mentioned in a book, I was helping to lead a 1,000+ women’s community, I was being flown in and wined and dined… and a bunch of other stuff I’d been taught mattered and meant I was contributing to “good things” in the world.
Then…
It all crashed and burned just over a year later in a really traumatic fashion. A whole story in and of itself.
Yet it was one of the BEST things that could have ever happened.
It helped begin to lift the veil around the dark side of the self-help industry so I could see that things and people were not always as they seemed.
I didn’t 100% recognize that that’s what was happening, but I had definitely lost my drive, my spark, and my trust.
But in good old, New Age “love and light” fashion, I pretended I was fine. Even though I was beginning to pull back and to not care as much.
I pretended that I wasn’t angry deep down. Or that I wasn’t questioning what I’d seen (when I wasn’t gaslighting myself).
And what I’d seen up close and personal – I’d eventually come to accept and admit – is that hardly anyone was helping a damn soul… least of all their own. And, in fact, they were actually hurting more people than they were helping1.
Up until I finally embraced that truth, I was living with a mysterious chronic pain disorder, a weed addiction I was in denial about (that was only getting worse), while in a struggling marriage and living in an all-wrong-for-me location.
The irony being: despite all of the years, energy, and money I’d poured into helping and learning from the self-help industry, I still had no idea how to help myself.
Despite the various health and nutrition experts, the tarot, the psychics, the psychedelics, the affirmations, the meditations, the different diets and supplements, the personal development books and videos, the business coaches, and more, none of it ever seemed to lead to the BIG BREAKTHROUGH I was endlessly searching for.
For the next couple of years, I still hung around the fringes of the New Age, but was working less intensely and with way less ego– more happy to be behind-the-scenes and way less interested in being publicly mentioned or praised.
I flirted with one more “big opportunity” that ultimately didn’t pan out, thank God, and was just sort of… waiting. For what? I didn’t know.
Then 2020 came, and it shook me awake. HARD.
(Ahh, there was the breakthrough!)
As the world began to change on the outside, I began to change on the inside.
All of a sudden, NOTHING became more important to me than FREEDOM– something I’d realized I’d been taking for granted.
I began to really SEE just how little of my life I was living or actually loved, and how much more I wanted to do, be, and have!
The realization that I’d been wasting my life away brought me profound grief and sadness, but it was also a catalyst for my uncaging.
And it all started with using my voice2.
The voice I’d only been able to use for others to help them spread THEIR message.
Now I was finally using my own, and I knew exactly what I wanted and needed to say.
I didn’t care if I lost friends or if the few colleagues and the one client I had left thought I’d gone nuts.
I just knew that NOTHING else mattered more than speaking truth.
“No, I’m not wearing a mask on my face! No, I’m not taking the “vaccine!” And you don’t have to either!”
That was my message all day, everyday.
NOTHING felt more important to me than being strongly vocal about the authoritarian abuse that was being inflicted upon us and SHARING about it.
Following my instinct to seek truth and speak up changed my life.
What started off as a mission to help anyone I was connected to – even if it was just ONE person paying attention – to see that they had a CHOICE, and that they did NOT have to stay silent or be forced to do ANYTHING led to me understand that there were changes that needed to happen within ME.
I realized that while I wanted, and had always wanted, others to help themselves, I wasn’t even truly helping myself.
And I knew it was time to change.
So I did the ONE THING I hadn’t tried yet– the ONE THING you NEVER see the self-help industry suggest you do: I began to turn to Jesus.
Very shortly after that, my desire for weed began to wane, and I lost the urge to get high every day.
With the fog beginning to lift paired with a growing frustration as I read a borrowed Bible (everything felt so dark and despairing!), one day, I took a suggestion to pray aloud for Jesus to “show himself to me.”
And very shortly after that, I was led to my spiritual teacher
.When I landed on her Instagram account in November of 2020, it was an INSTANT KNOWING.
She didn’t have a checkmark next to her name, or a fancy headshot, or a feed full of selfies and videos, and she was barely breaking 8,000 followers (not nothing, but not “self-help superstar” level either).
AND. I. WAS. ECSTATIC.
Because what she DID have was the TRUTH. And she was speaking it in a way my soul instantly connected with.
No glitz. No glamour. No hard selling or high-pressure marketing tactics.
Just pure truth while BE-ing herself. (And little did I know, she was already EXTREMELY wealthy and successful doing so… no New York Times bestseller or celebrity endorsements required.)
The TRUTH she was teaching?
How to TRULY help yourself. Starting with turning to the REAL Jesus3 and healing any wounding from childhood– the root of all addictions and afflictions in life.
That same night, I remember going to my now ex-husband, plopping down on the couch, and saying to him, “I’m having another one of my spiritual awakenings, but this time, it feels different. It involves Jesus, and I have a feeling I’m going to be changing my career. I don’t think what I’ve been doing is it anymore.”
And that’s exactly what happened.
I traded the New Age for Jesus, and my life has never been the same since.
Through Liana’s teachings and programs, I was FINALLY able to quit my 10-year addiction to weed for good, heal my chronic pain disorder, AND…
… trade animal flesh for a plant-based lifestyle done right, get away from my toxic family, face the sexual abuse I’d endured that LED to my addictions and afflictions4, end my fake marriage, and so much more…
Including finding the courage to cut ties with the new age self-help CULTure I’d been part of.
A confused CULTure of people with the “love and light” crowd on one side and the “woke crowd” on the other… plus the ULTRA-confused crowd who play both sides: “Eat healthy, pull your tarot cards, and pray to your guides! But also get the vaccine, wear a mask, and state your pronouns!”
I also said goodbye to the counterCULTure that was my “bridge” to Liana Shanti’s work: anyone who says they love Jesus and freedom, but is still defending their right to do things like get drunk, hit their kids, and eat tortured and abused animals. (What would Jesus do if he walked into a slaughterhouse and saw what was happening to God’s creatures? Exactly.)
So, who does that leave me with?
Whoever recognizes the magnitude of what I just wrote.
With the New Age: I remained an unhealthy, repressed, addict.
With Jesus: I FINALLY HELPED MYSELF.
And I STILL BELIEVE that women can and deserve to make BIG MONEY in business while helping others.
But now I know I don’t have to be someone I’m not to do it.
I can just be… ME!
– Malana
Liana Shanti’s Instagram Highlights on the REAL JESUS:
https://www.instagram.com/stories/highlights/17897865743883322/
Truly a powerful piece. Again. 🙌🏼
The truth about what real enlightenment looks like ! Your experience is very educational and inspiring. Thanks for opening up your heart so I can learn and see. This is a fantastic article 💝